Star Trek: Voyager the Musical
by Star Shadow 4
Summary: Voyager musical. The cast is out of character, there's a good deal of singing, and someone bites the dust! Not for Seven lovers.


Disclaimer: Not mine 

Star Trek Voyager: The Musical

Disclaimer: All characters, technology, etc. of the Star Trek universe are registered trademarks of Paramount Pictures. No copyright infringement intended.

Notes to the reader:

K Kathryn Janeway

C Chakotay

T Tom Paris

B B'Elanna Torres

Tu Tuvok

D Doctor

7 Seven

Na Naomi

N Neelix

**Act 1, Scene 1: **In the Mess hall

_(Begin story. Camera sweep of the Bridge; Janeway, Harry, and Tuvok are on duty. Move down hallway toward Mess hall. Through the doors. Near the counter, we see Neelix dishing up some odd concoction. Naomi is sitting at a table nearby.)_

Na: _(Sighs)_ Neelix, I don't get it.

N: What's this? _(Proceeds to stand beside her)_

Na: My homework. It doesn't make any sense. I can't get through life here; it's too hard.

N: _(Claps his hands)_ I can help, Naomi! _(Music starts. Neelix commences to sing)_

Now listen up, you've got

A lot to learn

And if you don't learn, you don't win

But if you're tough and always use your head,

You'll be right at home in this quadrant

When you've got talent, everything is free

Watch how we do things, oooh, I guarantee

You're gonna see- how- the best survive

We make an art- out- of staying alive

If you do just as you're told, these are streets of gold

Every corridor- is- a miracle mile

You'll take the ship- and- you'll take it with style

If you play it brave and bold

These are streets of gold _(Neelix and Naomi begin to dance)_

_Listen here, Honey_

To live from week to week

You need technique

So you'll practice every day

The only rule- is thou

Shall bother Tuvok

Do what you can and then get away

Remember all the places you can hide

Remember I am always on your side

You're gonna see- how- the best survive

We make an art- out- of staying alive

If you do just as you're told, these are streets of gold

Every corridor- is- a miracle mile

You'll take the ship- and- you'll take it with style

If you play it brave and bold

These are streets of gold

_(Ensign Willards grabs his Saxophone and begins to wail along)_

When you've got talent, everything is free

Watch how we do things, oooh, I guarantee

You're gonna see- how- the best survive

We make an art- out- of staying alive

If you do just as you're told, these are streets of gold

Every corridor- is- a miracle mile

You'll take the ship- and- you'll take it with style

If you play it brave and bold _(Brave and bold!)_

These are streets of gold _(Streets of gold!)_

You're gonna see- how- the best survive

We make an art- out- of staying alive

If you do just as you're told, these are streets of gold

Every corridor- is- a miracle mile _(Yeah!)_

You'll take the ship- and- you'll take it with style

If you play it brave and bold _(Brave and bold!)_

These are streets of gold

_(He jumps on the table and poses. Naomi looks on. Music ends. Coming to himself, he hops off.)_

N: Now, Naomi. Have some of my leola root stew. _(Hands her the tray. She starts to_ _take a bite.)_

?: STOP!

_(All turn to see Tom and Chakotay charge through the door. They are dressed in black, with black sunglasses, etc. After them, the Doctor, Tuvok come in.)_

C: What do you think you're doing?

N: Um… feeding Naomi leola root stew.

T: No way, Buster. _(Music starts. D, Tu on table)_

D/Tu: Here come the Men in Black!

Here come the Men in Black; the captain's coffee menders.

C: The good guys dress in black, remember that

Just in case we ever face-to-face and make contact

T: The title worn by me

C/T: MIB

T: Means protection for little Naomi

C: So don't think that what was dead

Is now gone; Neelix's soup and leola root's on

T: Walk as shadow, move as silence

Guard against Ensign vs. Klingon violence

C: But yo we ain't known on no Starfleet list

We straight exist, no ranks and no fingerprints

T: So if soup's strange, watch your back

'Cause you never quite know where the MIBs is at

Tu/D: Here come the M.I.B.

Voyager defenders

Here come the M.I.B.; the captain's coffee menders

C: From the deepness of the darkest night

In the Mess hall, bright light

Soups on to-night

T: Neelix zooms on his impending doom

And then like Boom! _(Throws a tray in Neelix's face)_ Kitchen starts to boom up

With a quickness, talk to the witnesses

C: Hypnotize up; normalize up

T: His memories turn to fantasies

C: Ain't no MIBs, can I please

T: Do what we say, that's the way we kick it

Yeah, I mean, I've seen B'Elanna Torres get wicked on ya

C: We're your first, last, and only line of defense

Against the worst of Neelix's food

T: So don't fear us; cheer us

You ever get near us don't jeer us

C: We're fearless, MIBs

Throwing Seven into flight

N: _(Indignantly wiping leola root off his face)_ What's that stand for?

C/T: Men in Black

D/Tu: The Men in Black… The Men in Black

T: Let me see ya just bounce with me _(3x)_

Tu: Bounce with me

C: Let me see ya just slide with me _(3x)_

Tu: Slide, slide, slide, slide

T: Let me see ya take a walk with me _(3x) _c'mon, and make your neck work

Tu: Walk with me

C: Now freeze!

Tu: Oh, oh, oh-oh!

Tu/D: _(Repeat chorus. Crew in Mess hall begins to dance/sing along)_

C: All right, check it

Let me tell you this in closing; I know we might seem imposing

T: But trust me, if we insist dissection

Believe me, it's for your own protection

C: 'Cause we see things that you need not see

T: Things being eaten when they need not be

C: So go with your job, forget that healthy crp

T: Show it up to the Bridge guys, 'cause that's the Men in, that's the Men in…

Tu/D: _(Repeat chorus 2x. When finish, Mess hall breaks out in cheers. Neelix, in tears, runs screaming from the scene. Naomi jumps into Chakotay's arms for a hug. Suddenly, a voice breaks over the intercom)_

K: All senior officers, report to the briefing room. _(Crew moans. Tuvok, Doc, Chakotay,_ _and Tom leave. The crew is still cheering. They then proceed to make a grand mess of Neelix's kitchen. End Scene 1.)_

**Act 1, Scene 2**: Meanwhile, in Engineering…

_(Open to interior of Engineering. It is a reasonably quiet day, the crew proceeds calmly from console to console. Torres is near the warp core. Zoom in on Nicoleti, who is crossing the first level. Soft music starts. Nicoleti begins to sing.)_

Nicoleti: Who will buy my sweet red plasma, two cores for a penny. _(2x)_

_(Celes begins to sing, too)_

Celes: Will you need any conduits today Carey? Any conduits today Carey?

Nicoleti: Who will buy my sweet red plasma…

Celes: Any conduits today Carey?

Nicoleti: … two cores for a penny.

Wildman: Breach! Warp core breach! Breach! Warp core breach!

Celes: Any conduits today Carey?

Wildman: Breach! Warp core breach!

Nicoleti: Who will buy my sweet red plasma…

Wildman: Breach! Warp core breach!

Celes: Any conduits today Carey?

Vorik: Breaks, breaks to seal! Any breaks to seal?

Nicoleti: Who will buy…

Wildman: Breach! Warp core breach!

Celes: Any conduits today?

Nicoleti: Who will buy…

Vorik: Breaks, breaks to seal! Any breaks to seal?

Wildman: Breach! Warp core breach!

Nicoleti: Who will buy my sweet red plasma…

Vorik: Who will buy?

Wildman: Who will help?

Celes: Who will buy?

Nicoleti: Who will buy?

_(Torres looks up from her console. She has a sincerely happy smile on her face. Begins to sing.)_

B: Who will buy this wonderful morning?

Such a day you never did see

Nicoleti: Who will buy my sweet red plasma…

B: Who will tie it up with a ribbon

And put it in a box for me?

Wildman: Breach! Warp core breach!

B: So I could see it at my leisure

Whenever things go wrong

And I would keep it as a treasure

To last my whole life long

Celes: Any conduits today?

B: Who will buy this wonderful feeling?

I'm so high I swear I could fly

Vorik: Breaks, breaks to seal!

Wildman: Breach! Warp core breach!

B: Me oh my, I don't want to lose it

So what am I to do

To keep the core so blue?

There must be someone who will buy

_(Rest of staff begins to filter into the song. Dance/fall over consoles)_

Staff: Who will buy? _(4x)_

Who will buy this wonderful morning?

Such a day you never did see

Who will tie it up with a ribbon

And put it in a box for me?

There'll never be a day so peaceful

It could not happen twice

Where is the man with all the money?

It's cheap at half the price

Who will buy? _(4x)_

Who will buy? _(4x)_

Who will buy this wonderful feeling?

I'm so high I swear I could fly

Me oh my, I don't want to lose it-

So what am I to do

To keep the core so blue?

B: There must be someone…

Nicoleti: Must be someone…

Wildman: Must be someone…

Vorik: Must be someone…

All: …Who will buy! _(Pose, fall to the ground, etc. as music fades. Then, get up and go_ _back to work.)_

_Torres still smiling. As she turns back to console, intercom sounds.)_

K: All senior officers to the briefing room.

B: _(Grumbling)_ I knew it was going to be a bad day, after all. _(Exits Engineering. Staff_ _works normally. End scene 2.)_

**Act 1, Scene 3: **The Briefing

_(Briefing room. Crew C,T,B,Tu,N,H, D seated at table. Janeway is pacing at the end.)_

K: Okay, people, here's the situation. Warp core efficiency is down 15. We're losing power from all the major relays. Harry's console exploded. _(Harry nods tearfully.)_ Does anyone know what's going on? _(Crew members shake their heads.)_

B: I tried a routine check of all power conduits… there's no evidence of a breach of any kind. Maybe it's just- _(Suddenly, Seven bursts in. She saunters in and drops into place_ _beside H, who whimpers.)_

7: Hi, everybody! Sorry I'm late, but I was making adjustments to my alcove. _(Giggles)_ The new power sources I'm using really help!

B: Power sources?

7: Uh huh! I'm rerouting power from all sorts of systems: warp core, consoles, replicators… _(T looks stricken)_

B: What?! _(K slaps her forehead)_

K: Seven, do you have any idea how many problems you've been causing?

7: Um… not really!

B: The core nearly overloaded this morning! You can't just take power from the ship! What were you thinking?

7: Well, actually… I guess I wasn't thinking at all!

C: You never think, Seven.

7: _(Grinning)_ Thanks!

B: You really couldn't be any more idiotic, could you, Seven?

7: Hey! _(Jumps out of chair)_ That wasn't very nice!

B: Good! It wasn't meant to be.

7: You better watch it, Torres, or I'll assimilate you! _(She makes a move toward B.)_

K: Seven, stop!

7: Why? I own this crew, I can do whatever I want with it! _(Music starts)_

K: You think you own whatever ship you land on

The crew is just a dead thing you can claim

But I know every ensign and lieutenant _(Gestures to H and T)_

Has a life, has a spirit, has a name

You think the only people who are people

Are the people who look and think like you

But, if you walk the footsteps of a stranger

You'll learn things you never knew you never knew

Have you ever heard Torres cry to the blue warp core? _(B frowns)_

Or asked the grinning Helmboy why he grins? _(K whacks T, who stops grinning)_

Can you sing with all the voices of a console?

Can you paint with all the colors of your soup? _(2x) (N smirks. 7 appears confused.)_

7: I don't get it. What-

K: Come run the hidden conduits and the Jeffries Tubes

Come taste the sun-sweet leola roots of the earth

Come roll in all the ensigns all around you _(propels H to 7's feet)_

And for once, never wonder where they came from

The Vulcan and the Hologram are my crewman

The Klingon and the Human are my friends _(hand on C, B shoulder)_

And we are all connected to each other

In a circle, in a hoop that never ends

Have you ever heard Torres cry to the blue warp core?

Or let Chakotay tell you where he's been?

Can you sing with all the voices of a console?

Can you paint with all the colors of your soup? _(2x)_

7: Captain-

K: How fast can _Voyager_ go?

If you stop it now, then you'll never know

And you'll never hear Torres cry to the blue warp core

For whether we are Borg or Human skinned

We need to sing with all the voices of a console

We need to paint with all the colors of the soup

You can own the crew, and still

All you'll own is crew until

You can paint with all the colors of your soup _(Music fades. Neelix is grinning. Seven_ _blinks, then shrugs_ _off her confusion and giggles.)_

7: Whatever! _(At K's look, she scowls.)_ You know, I'm getting tired of this 'I'm-in-charge-of-this-ship' attitude of yours.

K: I'm the captain!

7: I'm the Seven. _(Crew looks confused, including 7.)_ Whatever. Anyway… I've decided to take over this ship now.

T: No way!

H: Eeek!

B: Yeah, right.

7: I am. You'd all better watch out!

K: _(Angrily moving toward 7)_ Seven- _(Suddenly, evil Borg bimbo disappears. K sits_ _down wearily. After a moment, lifts head.)_ Chakotay?

C: Yes?

K: Begin training the senior staff. I'm sending you on a mission.

C: What is it?

K: Kill Seven.

C: _(Smiling) _With pleasure. All right, everyone. Let's move! _(Grumbling, senior staff_ _moves out of room, leaving K. End Scene 3. End Act 1.)_

**Act 2, Scene 1**: Training

(We see Crew H, T, B, Tu, N, D, C in Holodeck. Most are standing around, grumbling; Harry is hiding behind random object. Suddenly, Chakotay calls their attention.)

C: All right, everybody, listen up! The captain's given us a mission, and we've got go through with it. _(B raises her hand.)_ Yes?

B: I gotta go. Vorik just called from Engineering, and he said Carey's managed to overload the core… **again**.

C: You'd better go, then. _(She nods and leaves.)_ The rest of you, get ready.

H: _(Meekly.)_ Ready for what? _(Music starts. Chakotay begins to address them/sing.)_

C: Let's get down to business 

To defeat- the Borg

Did they send the Borg to

Assimilate us?

She's the saddest Borg I ever met

And you can bet, before we're through

The captain- will have- her head! _(Harry whimpers and hides behind Tuvok. Suddenly, Seven appears. Tuvok cuts in.)_

Tu: Tranquil as a nebula 

But on fire within

Once she's realized it

It will be- too late!

C: _(To Seven.) _You're a spineless, pale, pathetic Borg _(She shrinks with each insult.)_

And you haven't got a clue 

Somehow I'll- make you into- leola root stew! _(All look confused.)_

7: _(Shaking head.)_ I'm never gonna understand

H/Tu: Say goodbye to those who knew you

T: _(Taunting.)_ Chakotay's really mad, boy are you gonna get it! _(B mysteriously appears_ _at his shoulder, with K.)_

B: I've got the bimbo scared to death! D: I hope she can see right through me! 

K: Now I really wish I never let her in.

All: Get the Borg!

C: We must be swift as a speeding comet _(Step; Harry falls over.)_

With all the force of a torpedo _(Step; Tuvok hits Neelix.)_

With all the strength of a warp core explosion _(Step; B kicks T over, too.)_

Mysterious as the dark side of- the moon! 

C: Time is racing toward us

'Till the Borg- arrives

K: Heed my every order

And she won't survive

C: _(To Seven.)_ You're unsuited for

Voyager

7: _(Staring around blankly.)_ Chakotay, where are you?

C: Seven I- hope you know- I hate you! _(She bursts into tears and runs out.)_

All: Get the Borg! 

C: We must be swift as a speeding comet _(Step; Harry manages to balance.)_

With all the force of a torpedo _(Step; Neelix hits Tuvok, who falls.)_

With all the strength of a warp core explosion _(Step; T ducks.)_

Mysterious as the dark side of- the moon! _(Music ends. K walks to C.)_

K: Good work. I think you're ready to begin. _(C smiles. All cheer but D, who sneaks to_ _side as others exit.)_

D: What can I do? My love for Seven runs deep. I can't let them kill her! I must protect my Seven! _(Poses.)_ But they can't know my true intentions. _(Slyly.) _I'll pretend to be against her, and then-

T: Hey, Doc, you coming?

D: Um… of course, Mister Paris! _(To camera.)_ Don't unleash my secret! _(Turns to see_ _everyone gone.)_ Hey! Wait for me… _(Runs offstage. End Scene 3. End Act 1.)_

**Act 2, Scene 2:** The Hunt Begins!

_(Corridor. We see Torres working idly on an open power conduit. She has myriad tools at her side, and is humming slightly. Begins to sing a cappella.)_

B: Warp cores & Phasers

& Bat'leths & Paris

Power sources, hydro-spanners, and PuvwI's

Brown paper warp nacelles tied up with string

These are a few of my favorite things

When the Borg bite

When the Phage stings

When the captain's mad

I simply remember that Seven will die

And then I don't feel so bad! _(Cuts off and laughs maniacally for a second before_ _continuing with her work. K approaches and clears her throat.)_

B: _(Jumping up.)_ Captain! I didn't see you.

K: At ease, Lieutenant. _(Studies B for a moment. Unnoticed by both, 7 sneaks in.)_ Were you singing?

B: Uh…

K: Because I thought I heard you say that Seven would die.

7: _(Shrieking.)_ What? _(B and K wheel. B points.)_

B: Toh! Soch Mach!

K: I have no idea what you just said, but I think I agree. Get her! _(Without warning, D,_ _T, H, Tu, N, and C stampede onstage. 7 screams.)_

T/H/Tu: Charge!! _(7 runs out, pursued by all. End Scene 2.)_

**Act 2, Scene 3:** The Procession Moves Out

_(Corridor. D, T, H, C, Tu, N are trudging along. Harry drags behind, C is in stealth mode, T distracted, N whistling, Tu looking extremely bold and daring. Stop; C looks around.)_

C: See anything?

T: _(Bored.)_ Nope.

C: Hear anything?

T: Just Neelix. _(C shoots T murderous stare.)_

C: Paris, I happen to know B'Elanna will kill you if we don't find Seven.

T: _(Eyes widen, straightens up.) _I mean, Sir no Sir!

H: _(Slumps against wall.)_ I'm tired.

N: Me, too. _(All sigh, slump against wall. Music starts._)

N: For a long time we've been marching off to battle

T: In our thundering herd, we feel a lot like cattle

Tu: Like the pounding beat, our aching feet

Aren't easy to ignore

H: _(Perking up. Stands.)_ Hey! Think of instead: the Borg we're looking for!

C: _(Lifts head.)_ Harry?

H: _(Earnestly.)_ That's what I said: the Borg we're looking for. _(All look confused._ _Harry continues helpfully._) She thinks she's paler than the moon

With eyes that shine like stars

T: _(Getting up, too.)_ She thinks we'll marvel at her strength

Adore her Borgish scars

N: She thinks we'll all care what she wears

Or what she looks like

_(Knowledgeably.)_ It all depends on what she cooks like

Leola- root- stew

N/All: Yum/Yuch!

D: Bet the local Borg thought she was quite the charmer

C: _(Sarcastically.)_ Yeah, I'll bet she just looked great in all that armor. _(T sniggers.)_

All: You can guess what we've thought of the most

Since we went off to war!

H: What do we want?

All: _(Stand if not up already. D appears uncomfortable.)_ To kill that stupid Borg!

C: The Borg who thinks she has no faults

Tu: That she's a major find

D: But she's a Borg who's got a brain

Who's… honest, brave and kind?

Others: Nah

D: _(To camera.)_ My manly ways and turn of phrase are sure to thrill her!

T: _(To H.)_ He thinks he's such a lady killer. Ha! _(H looks confused.)_

Tu: I've a Borg back home who's unlike any other

C: _(To T.)_ Yeah, the only Borg who'd love him is his mother. _(T grins.)_

All: But when we come home in victory, she'll be dead on the floor!

H: What do we want?

Others: To kill that stupid Borg!

C: Wish I could kill-

Others: The Borg we're looking for!

All: _(Whistling.)_ The Borg we're looking-

(Cut off abruptly as 7 steps into view. She staggers around a moment, then sees group.)

7: _(Happily.)_ Hi, guys! _(At their expressions, she takes a step back.)_ Uh oh.

T: Get her! _(Begin to charge, but 7's gone and they stop.)_ Where'd she go? _(Stare_ _around. Cue music.)_

(Shrill scream. 7 rushes in and behind/through congregation.)

C: There she goes! _(7 runs back and forth, round, etc. during song.)_

Tu: There she goes again!

D: Racing through my brain

And I just can't contain

This feeling that remains _(T whacks him over.)_

H: There she goes!

N: There she goes again!

D: _(Getting up. Dramatically.)_ Waltzing through my brain

And I just can't contain

This feeling that remains _(H whacks him back down. All but D begin to chase 7. Stop when she leaves again. Group, then she reenters. Runs again.)_

T: There she goes!

H/N: There she goes again! 

7: Doctor!!

D: _(Ecstatically.)_ She calls my name! Calls my name!

No one else can heal my pain

But I just can't contain

This feeling that remains _(Trampled by Tu.)_

C: There she goes!

H: There she goes again!

D: Chasing down my lane

And I just can't contain

This feeling that remains _(Begin to chase 7 again.)_

T/C: There she goes!

Tu/N: There she goes!

H/D: There she goes!

All: There she goes again! _(Chase offstage-follow. End Scene 3.)_

**Act 2, Scene 4:** In the Dark!

(Open to darkness and silence. After a moment, we see flashlights sweeping over scenery/obstacles. We hear voices, but can't see anyone.)

C: Anyone find anything yet? 

T: Nope.

B: Not a thing.

K: Commander, you're sure she came in here?

C: Positive. Besides, why else wouldn't the lights be working?

K: Noted.

H: I'm scared of the dark!

All: Shut up, Harry! _(H whimpers. A figure appears before us, lighting face with flashlight.)_

D: Oh no! Now they draw ever nearer to my dear Seven's hideaway! I cannot let them kill her! _(Poses.)_ But what can I do? I must protect her, but Seven lacks the intellect to stay hidden for long! What can I do? _(Fades back into darkness.)_

Tu: Captain, this is illogical. You should send in a special team of Seven-hunters.

K: Shut up, Tuvok.

(Suddenly, there sounds a shrill screech. All wheel.)

T: Was that Seven?

B: Nope, just Harry. You stepped on him.

T: Oh, right. Sorry, Harry. I didn't see you; I guess I just-

(Suddenly from out of the darkness, we hear giggles. C approaches area quickly.)

C: Aha!

7: You'll never take me alive!!! _(Suddenly, lights come up full blast. All shield eyes. Seven runs to wall laughing evilly, pulls lever sound, and runs offstage sound again. All blink, then stare around blankly as Seven's laughter fades away.)_

K: Is it my imagination, or did Seven just throw herself out the airlock?

C: Seven just through herself out the airlock.

B: I knew she was stupid, I just didn't know how stupid.

T: That's pretty stupid, all right.

H: _(Uncurling from ground.)_ What's going on?

D: _(Panic.)_ What?!?! Noooooo! _(Runs to airlock door, peers out.)_ My Seven! _(Collapses to ground dramatically.)_ My life… is over. _(Flops a moment, then lies still. Others watch in confusion.)_

T: What's with him?

B: I don't know. Let's get out of here.

C: Good idea.

K: Let's have a party! _(Cheering. All exit but D, who remains on floor.)_

D: Seven, if only I could have saved you!

_(Seven's voice drifts from backstage.)_

7: Don't worry about me, Doctor! _(He lifts his head.)_ After all, I'm not dead. I'm just… whatever. _(She begins to whine._) I don't get it! _(Voice fades away._) Look at all the pretty stars. I wonder what happens if I touch this one- yeouch!

D: Seven? Seven! _(Pause.)_ Hello? _(After a moment more, shrugs shoulders and stands.)_ Well, you know what they say- don't cry over Sevens lost. Besides, there's a party going on! _(Hurriedly leaves. We hear Seven's voice once more, fading quietly._)

7: What does this button do? Ouch! I don't get it… _(End Scene 4.)_

**Act 2, Scene 5:** The Party

(Mess hall. We see Paris setting up decorations around tables, with Neelix in a far back corner. The captain is sitting at a table, studying a PADD of some sort. Zoom in on Paris.)

T: _(Singing a cappella.)_

Seven got run over by a saucepan

Walking home from the Bridge New Year's Eve

You can say there's no such thing as Neelix

But as for me and Harry, we believe!

N: Tom! _(Paris stops, looks up.)_

T: Yeah?

N: Can you help me with these… what did you call them… streamers?

T: Ay ay ay! Coming, Neelix!

(Camera to captain, who is singing softly.)

K: Seven of Nine- an evil Borg 

Tuvok- the quadrant's strictest guy

Chakotay- my first officer

Tom- an annoying flyboy

Harry- a little crybaby

B'Elanna- the best Klingon I know

Neelix- a pain to have around

That will bring us back to-

(Doors open and she stops abruptly. In flow many people remaining cast –Haliegh and begin to mill. Smiling, K sets down PADD and joins crew. After a few minutes, Janeway calls order.)

K: Okay, everyone. As part of the show, I've granted two groups permission to perform tonight. The first people will be… Tom and B'Elanna! (Cheering as T B make way to the stage. Sit down cue music.) This piece is called… (Looks surprised, then smiles.) 'Goodbye, Seven.'

B: Kathryn and Chakotay were the best of friends

All through their Voyager days

T: Both members of the HRI

Both active in the LSH

B: After they got home, Kathryn went out

Lookin' for a bright new world

T: Chakotay looked all around this town

And all he found was Seven

B: Well it wasn't two weeks after they got married

That Chakotay started getting bored

He ran away and hid in closets

But Seven found him anyway

T: Well he finally got the nerve to file for divorce

He let the law take it from there

But Seven walked right through that restraining order

And put him in intensive care _(Laughter from crew.)_

B: Right away Kathryn flew in from Atlanta

On a red eye midnight shuttlecraft

T: She held Chakotay's hand and they worked out a plan

And it didn't take 'em long to decide

B/T: That Seven had to die

Goodbye Seven

Those black-eyed peas?

They tasted all right to me, Seven

You're feeling weak?

Why don't you lay down and sleep, Seven

Ain't it dark

Wrapped up in that tarp Seven

T: The Tuvoks came by to bring Seven in

They searched the house high and low

B: Then they tipped their hats

And said "Thank you people,

If you hear from her let us know."

T: Well the weeks went by and

Spring turned to summer

And summer faded into fall

B: And it turns out she was a missing person

Who nobody missed at all

T: So the two bought some land

And a roadside stand

Out on Highway 109

B: They sell Tennessee Ham

And Strawberry Jam

And they don't lose any sleep at night

B/T: 'Cause Seven had to die

Goodbye Seven

We need a break

Let's go out to the lake, Seven

We'll pack a lunch

And stuff you in the trunk Seven

Well, is that all right?

Good let's go for a ride Seven - hey!

Hey hey hey! (_Music ends. Clapping/cheering, etc. B T step down. K shakes head, laughing, proceeds to stage.)_

K: All right, all right (_Silence descends.)_ Next, we have- _(Suddenly, sounds effect sounds. All turn as Kes steps to stage. All stare.)_

K: Kes?

Kes: Yes, it's me.

K: Kes! _(Starts to move toward her, but Kes holds up a hand and she stops.)_

Kes: Wait! The ship is not as safe as you think!

T: What?

C: Huh?

K: But Seven threw herself out the airlock!

Kes: Behold! You are not rid of her yet! _(At this, Seven runs on. Pulls phaser and points it at K. Congregation, K freezes.)_

7: No one moves!

K: Seven, what-

7: Don't act innocent! I know you always wanted to get rid of me! Well, it's too late now- the tables have turned.

C: What are you doing?

7: _(Coldly.) _ I'm taking over the ship. No one can stop me!

D: _(Runs in.)_ Seven, stop!

7: Why should I?

D: This crew is the nicest bunch of people you'll ever meet. They care about each other- don't throw away a chance to be part of this!

Kes: This crew is a family! Don't break them apart!

7: Quiet! Quiet or I'll shoot!

K: Seven- _(Action. Seven shoots/ K dives left. Chakotay shouts. **Reactions! **Neelix brandishes frying pan, deflects shot, which flies away.)_

7: You!

Kes: Stop! _(Sound effect. Seven shrieks as surrounded by light, steps back.)_

7: No! I'll show you! Nooo! _(Falls to ground, crawls offstage. Light fades. K rises from ground.)_

K: Kes… how did you know?

Kes: Never mind that. Just be glad she's gone.

B: Where did she go?

Kes: I removed her from the immediate area. Don't worry, she won't be back.

T: Good.

Na: Are you all right, Captain?

K: Fine. Nice deflection, Mr. Neelix.

N: Anytime, Captain. _(Crew sighs/ calms down, etc. After a minute, Harry asks.)_

H: Hey… wasn't there another song?

T: That there was! Everybody on stage!

B: Kes! _(Whispers to Kes a moment, then both go onstage. Crew other than senior staff in audience. Begin song.)_

T: Maestro? _(Cue music. Possible descant in instrumental.)_

All:

B: Can you remember

back to a simpler time

back to the lovely Borgless days

that still run through your mind

T: Oh, I remember

just my old friend and me

running through the holodeck

the way it used to be

The feeling that the flyer could just take wing

we might live to see our dreams

B'Elanna's temper seemed so far away

H: And as the years rolled through

We began to see the truth

The secret to promotion is

To work real hard today _(Sniggers from T, audience.)_

Tu: Remember the flight

Remember the feeling

Na: Remember the Doctor in our lives

B: Neelix's giggling pies

Naomi's world revealing

So remember the magic

B/T: Just remember the magic

One more time

Tu: Oh, remember

C: Do you remember

The way it used to feel

When Borg were only make-believe

And protocols were real _(Smiles.)_

K: Oh, I remember

Tom was playing pool again

Sandrine was serving drinks

The betting had no end

N: The feeling that Tuvok might start to sing

You could hear a world of screams

Hiding nearby was Harry the ensign

K/C: And now I know where to begin

How to find it all again

From now until forever

Kes: Remember the times

Tu: Remember the feeling

T: Remember Chakotay in a tie _(Chakotay looks annoyed.)_

D: Kes captured all our hearts

Janeway gave life new meaning

Kes/ H: So remember that feeling

Just remember the magic

T/C: One more time

D/Tu/N/Na/H/Kes: One more time

B/K: One more time

All: Remember the Magic...

_(Audience cheers. Kes laughs, then moves off the stage.)_

Kes: That was fun, but I must go.

N: What?

K: Why?

Na: Please, Kes, don't go!

Kes: I'm sorry, but I have to. I'll try to visit, though.

B: Come back soon!

T: We'd rather have you around than Seven.

H: _(Dropping to floor.)_ Seven! Where? _(Laugh, and wave as Kes leaves.)_

D: I can't believe my dear Seven would think to do such a thing! Oh! _(Runs off.)_

T: Well, that was fun, but-

N: Wait! No one's tried my Pleeka Rind Pie yet!

K: I think I'd better get to the bridge.

C: Me, too.

Tu: That would be a logical course of action.

T: Yeah, I agree.

B: Some other time, Neelix. _(All begin to back out. Crew disperses as well, except for Harry, who is still on floor. Neelix looks around.)_

N: Harry? _(Harry screams and runs out. N shrugs.)_ More for me. _(Begins to devour the dish. Lights fade. End Scene 5. End Musical.)_


End file.
